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Shared experiences
The following are some of the experiences shared by visitors of this website.
Joan P. - Tuesday 20th May 2008
Bullying needs a face about time someone spoke out. Look forward to receiving my copy of Bully Boss. Like the website
Jay.E - Monday 21st April 2008
You had me in stitches, very good and funny at times not what I expected at all. Thank you for putting a smile on my face. Last section interesting.
SWilliams - Tuesday 15th April 2008
Having read Bully Boss from cover to cover, I would recommend it to anybody who has suffered at the hands of a bullying boss. It is a frank and honest account from someone who has clearly been through hell and come out the other side! Well done Helen! You may not feel you are an 'inspiration' but you really are!!
PS - Monday 7th April 2008
Helen, having gone through a horrible experience I lost a lot of my confidence hopefully Bully Boss will help. Congratulations you put your story into a book.
Anonymous - Monday 7th April 2008
What do you do say to a new employer if you left your job because of bullying! I was bullied, and at a loss what to say or what to do
MG - Monday 24th March 2008
Helen, I agree with the tips you offered recently about a diary and seeking support as soon as possible before it is too late. As you said 1 in 4 people suffer from stress as a result of bullying at work it is an alarming figure. Thank you for your advice.
Jo.P - Monday 24th March 2008
A Bullying definition: Persistent, offensive, abusive intimidating, malicious or insulting behaviour, abuse of power or unfair sanctions this makes the person on the receiving end feel threatened, upset, humiliated , vulnerable, bullying undermines self confidence and ultimately leads to psychological stress
Anonymous - Friday 21st March 2008
Bullying in the workplace needs to be taken seriously and handled properly. My experiences have led me to to have little faith in Human Resources. I was experiencing problems at my workplace, I turned to the HR department for help. These discussion were suppose to be in confidence, only to discover they were being reported to the very same bullies, life became miserable, I was deeply unhappy so I decided to walk, they quickly recalled my income and after 12 years service I left with 25p in my bank account. It is only now I realise that I could have done something about it, but there was simply nowhere to turn. What Helen is doing is great, knowing that your not isolated in such circumstances can really help. Thank you Helen, can't wait to read the book.
Anonymous - Tuesday 18th March 2008
I worked over 25 years for a major financial institution and probably had over 25 bosses in that timeframe. I started at the bottom and grew into Senior Management positions with a variety of mostly great experiences. There were probably 3 occassions where I was the direct target of a workplace bully. In the early nineties I went on antidepressants/ anxiety medication. About 4 years later I steeled up the will to get off them. xxx the bullying boss arrived when I was performing at my highest level, receiving excellent perf. reviews, etc... The final straw occurred over the latter 2 years when yet again, after a fabulous boss, the company reorganized and I found myself working for the worst of the worst (boss). xxxxxxx My lack of options in this latter case was seriously compounded by the fact his boss supported him and in my opinion was really the true culprit - to this day I still do not know why this all happened. xxxx I finally had an anxiety provoked collapse (my family Doctor had advised me a year earlier that I should take some time off, no job is worth dying at your desk for. xxxx The collapse was so personally traumatic and beyond description. Bottom line, I went to see a lawyer. I cut off all communications with my employer. I began seeing a seasoned high quality psychiatrist - this was over 3 years ago. I now suffer from something called complex PTSD and am still determined to stop the subconscious reactions which are constantly triggered by even lightly stressful events in my life. xxxxxx My biggest fear is that I'll never get sufficiently better to work again. All those dreams I had......? I am incredibly lucky in one respect. My spouse is the most incredibly supportive person and I have an equally incredible family. xxx I applaud Helen and anyone who promotes this cause. One piece of advice: the longer and more prolonged the trauma, the worse off you will be from a medical perspective. It's a complex subject: as one reader above put it - where do you draw the line between a firm management style and bullying? In fact it's easier than one might initially think: many countries and jurisdictions have put anti-bullying laws into place with significant success. A study was just completed and zoomed around the worlds media reporting that bullying at work has significantly worse health affects. Another piece of advice is to arrange a 'google alert' (use your home computer!!) on the topic of workplace bullying: This will enable you to receive a daily e-mail summarizing articles from various world press organizations on the topic. Extremely cathartic and self validating to read.
Carol S. - Friday 14th March 2008
It appears that the bully in the workplace is an international problem, as I write to you from the States.
I applaud Helen for writing this book. She's written it for all of us who have had needless torment in our lives.
My friend has, on numerous occasions, confessed that her supervisor shames her in a manner that makes her
feel utterly worthless. How could anyone, especially in an authoritative position, make another adult feel so badly? It's abusive behavior and like sexual harassment, in the workplace, it should be made lawfully unexceptable.
I almost believe that these bullies are attracted to our light vibration, our inner beauty. Something we don't see in ourselves.
Then...........they want to put out the light . The very thing that attracts also repels.
What ever the cause, try to remember that you do not deserve this treatment. It's wrong.
With all my heart, my love goes out to all of you.
Anonymous - Thursday 6th March 2008
I was forced to leave my job 2 weeks ago due to a bullying boss & now im not sure what i can do about it,Please help.
marion - Monday 25th February 2008
I have been given your web site by my daughter, at present I am sitting here in my waiting to go for an interview for a job I don't really want. I have been away from my bullying boss for 4 months and have made a stand by telling HR, there promises so far are empty, they promised an investigation and even produced policy and procedure. After xx years service in xxxxxx I have had enough. At the height of my depression my youngest daughter stated that her mum was in another room and the one that sat in front of her was not her mum. Out of all of my time at the hands of my two bullies, this for me was the worst comment and this is what I had become a stranger to my family. Long gone was the funny and witty mum, the mum that was the life and soul of all around her, now I was the stranger in the corner.
So I sit and wait for the appointed time for an interview I don't really want to go to, my world has changed and not for the better. All I can say is some days are diamonds other days are stones. Thank you from Marion
EmmaB - Sunday 17th February 2008
I feel your site has made a big improvement altogether with bullying I also feel if more people were encouraged to join your site then maybe the bullies themselves will think twice, thanks again x
Anonymous - Tuesday 12th February 2008
Bosses just have to manage and they may have to manage in what may be seen as a harsh, tough way. After all it is the bosses who are accountable to make sure their work gets done. They carry the can. Tough managers may be seen as bullies, they are not, that is just the way it is I'm afraid.
Anonymous - Thursday 7th February 2008
This subject is not seen to be vital in tackling, it is not taken seriously and will always be that way
because money not people is what matters in the workplace.
JanB - Thursday 7th February 2008
Well Helen - how amazing and such clear concise writing - I feel a sense of pride, not sure why!!, maybe because you were only 5 when I met you for the frist time. Seriously though, can't wait to read the whole book soon. Sorry you had to go through such torment. You should have set me on him, I would have sorted him out. Bullying at work is just despicable and totally unacceptable. Its just too awful - and must have been the most dreadful six months. I truly hope you are through it now and back to your "lovely self".
Anonymous - Wednesday 6th February 2008
My boss is a creep, just venting!!!! :(
Jackie K - Tuesday 29th January 2008
It's important to stay positive that's for sure - I can't say much more besides where else can I get the book?
Anonymous - Tuesday 29th January 2008
Who are the bullies? women or the men, my boss is a woman and the boss from hell if ever there was one
RED - Sunday 27th January 2008
My boss , the tyrant, currently ignoring the rude remarks not sure how long I can keep it up mind. May blow up at some point.
Stay cool.
Kyrene J - Wednesday 23rd January 2008
Your blog is motivational look forward to reading the updates
Anonymous - Tuesday 22nd January 2008
As long as bosses are bad bullying at work will never stop
WT - Wednesday 9th January 2008
Good luck with the book, a subject that's close to my heart having experienced it all myself
Anonymous - Wednesday 9th January 2008
Bullying can be 'all in the mind'. Having to raise your voice or shout at a staff member for not doing something right does not mean they are being bullied!
Hazel P - Thursday 3rd January 2008
Best of luck for 2008 Helen Christina. 2008 has brought me a new job and hopefully a good boss!
Anonymous - Thursday 3rd January 2008
2008 is going to be a hard year, workplace bullies back off there is enough to contend with
Anonymous - Wednesday 19th December 2007
Anonymous - Thursday 13th December 2007
Firm management? or bullying? a thin line in most cases
I have to ask for "Anonymous". Would you rather be Managed or Bullied? there is no thin line, it's right or it's wrong. People accept when they are are being managed they don't accept when they are being bullied. I pray that you making the above comment, are not in HR. NJ comments are correct "whose side are HR on?" do they work for the individual or the shareholders?
Anonymous - Wednesday 19th December 2007
Was the 'subject' twice within the [company withheld] but in different units. Research shows it's rife- but alas no law against it. Bullying is a crime against the very human soul. Female boss was corrupt right down to little toes. Whistle blowing got me nowhere with HR. Time for change!!
Anonymous - Tuesday 18th December 2007
I wish I had your ear when I was going through my own conflict. My own situation was that I was being bullied covertly - bullying by exclusion. The thing is for me is that 'all' the emotions associated with bullying are still felt to the core. Being excluded from meetings, decisions & conversations in the corporate world may seem like nothing, but a "seasoned bully" knows exactly how to make this hurt to the core and it does. It feels like the kid at school not being picked for games everytime, the one no-one wanted in their team. It gets right into the core of your feelings then its hard to forget or move on. Having someone close to you just to remind you that you are good at what you do and that you have value is so important. The one thing that I have learnt is that bullying can happen to anyone regardless of color, gender or indeed position. I look forward to reading your blog & book to help heal and strengthen my core.
Vicky - Monday 17th December 2007
I work in HR and like to think we can be trusted. We do not offer training in bullying but will deal with it seriously.
Anonymous - Monday 17th December 2007
Bullying at work is a different kettle of fish from bullying at school, when it comes to bosses as bullies the control a boss is given gives you little room to deal with it. Bosses have the power to hire and fire!
Anonymous - Thursday 13th December 2007
Firm management? or bullying? a thin line in most cases
Clarke - Wednesday 12th December 2007
Appreciate you taking the time to acknowledge me. Your right the affects of workplace bullying should not be undermined. I still do not have the confidence to go and find another job just in case I encounter the same situation I was in before. My boss was beyond reasoning with and demands made on me were impossible to meet. I was picked on, I could do nothing right in his eyes. and now I am trying to pick up the pieces to get back to my normal self, it is hard.
NJ - Tuesday 11th December 2007
Whose side is HR on?
Stephanie - Tuesday 4th December 2007
I actually run training courses for companies to try to reduce bullying. I agree it is a very hidden area although research indicates it happens a great deal - and in all directions (co-workers, managers to staff, staff to managers etc.)
Although there are some who do intend to bully and cause harm, enjoying the feeling of power, there are others who do not realise that they have crossed the line and they can react quite quickly and positively to an awareness session (if it is handled sensitively). Similarly training can help people to feel empowered and assist with prevention - bullying occurs in particular work climates and is encouraged by an air of silence, acceptance etc.
I think sometimes that unless you have been through it you cannot fully appreciate how much of an impact it can have. At the same time, I do believe that organizations have a moral (and sometimes a legal) requirement to do something about it!
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